Have You Ever? (also called Never Ever) is a humorously revealing game that generally results in obscene confessions and debilitating hangovers. It involves admitting embarrassing secrets in a room full of equally guilty comrades, and it’s fun. Lots of fun. More importantly, it’s educational. One learns more about their friends from a productive game of Have You Ever? than from any other form of communication. It’s a shame the game is only reserved for weekends. Such entertainment should be sprinkled generously throughout the week, don’t you think? I do.
Have you ever…
…had to reveal to a class full of high school sophomores that SpongeBob is a sponge and not, in fact, a person? (Crushing young people’s reality, it’s what I do.)
…thrown a full-blown tantrum, complete with hideous facial contortions and unmentionable vulgarities, when your husband shrinks every single one of your maternity shirts in the dryer?
…electrocuted your six-month old baby? (This one belongs to Geoff and just for the record, she’s completely unharmed. We think.)
…rejected your poor husband’s kiss in front of the altar on your wedding day? (Unintentionally, of course. I blame vague directions and party bus anticipation.)
…considered that every human interaction taking place in a bar is just a more evolved version of the mating dance? (If you haven’t, you should. Order yourself a drink, find a comfy place to sit, and watch the puffed-up plumage, flashy footwork, and unintelligible squeals do their magic.)
…dropped a gallon of milk in the middle of Wal-Mart, looked around in mortification, and smiled sheepishly as your shoes filled up with 2%?
…burnt Easy Mac? (Ugh. This is almost as sad as confession #1.)
If you’re guilty of any of these, the bad news is that you have to take a drink. The good news is that you’re in fabulous company.