Just A Day

Door

Coral polish on nails bitten too short. Ingrid Michaelson on ears that aren’t okay. Reality television on eyes that see everything and nothing all at once. Attempts to climb outside of myself feel futile today. They are items on a checklist and I complete them without thought or emotion because I can’t lie in bed […]

Big Girls Do Cry

Barbed Wire

“I got a owie at Nama and Nampa’s house,” she says, pointing at her knee. A fresh scrape peeks out from behind a purple Dora band-aid. “Oh, I bet that hurt,” I reply. “Did you cry?” She frowns. Hesitates. “Only a little bit.” Oh, my heart. Four months ago Molly was born and I cried […]

Imperfectly Messy Progress

Imperfect Progress

10:00. The girls are in bed. Geoff and I are on the couch talking, watching TV, unwinding. A summer breeze dances through the open bay window. We grilled shrimp kabobs tonight. Savannah inhaled them, asking incessantly for “more chicken” (because if we call it shrimp, she won’t eat it … go figure). The girls played […]

The Perfect Poison

Dark Tunnel

I am not perfect. If my previous posts haven’t clarified that already, this one definitely will. In fact, I feel incredibly vulnerable even approaching the issue of postpartum anxiety. I had it after Savannah’s birth and (not surprisingly) I have it again. Fear, doubt, insomnia – the works. I’m not going to go into detail […]

Broken Together

Broken

Alas, the insomnia is back. I could blame the raging hormones, physical discomfort, and crippling anxiety that accompany the third trimester of pregnancy, but the fact remains that no matter what I blame, the sleepless nights are going nowhere. At least not for another nine weeks. I’ve struggled with on and off insomnia since Savannah’s […]