I’m pretty awful at updating baby books (translation: I don’t), so behold one mother’s halfhearted attempt to document her children’s sometimes questionable, always random, verbal gems.

Because apparently they grow up fast.




SJ (no context, purely casual): “Jesus is a nice guy.”

SJ (pre-bedtime question vomit): “What’s a sunflower? Why do we have drains? What does Dr. Dawes do? Who makes my carrots?”

Mommy: “Savannah, stop drinking that bath water. You’ll get a tummy ache.” // SJ: “Mommy, sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do.”

SJ (second installment of pre-bedtime question vomit): “Someday I teach my own big kids, right? What’s Santa want for Christmas? Did Daddy’s Niners win? Can I have a yogurt before I sleep? Or a carrot … with ranch?”

SJ (stealing Molly’s blocks and adding them to her hoard of toys): “No, Molly, we share our toys.”

SJ: “Mom, will my owie heal by itself or do I have to ride in an alien (ambulance)?”

Mommy: “Savannah, what should we plant in our garden this summer?” // SJ: “How about broccoli? I like broccoli. And green beans and potatoes and zucchini and fruit snacks.”

Daddy: “If you don’t sleep in your big girl bed then you won’t be able to go to big girl school.” // SJ: “That’s okay. I don’t want to go to school.”

SJ (packing her suitcase for an overnight trip to the zoo): “Well, I’m ready to go to hell (hotel) and stay there!”

SJ (in true threenager form): “Mom, Molly’s poopy diapers are so embarrassing.”

SJ (after being told she has a hard knock life): “No, Mom, we ALL have a hard knock life.”

Mommy (after reading at least 6 Berenstain Bear books and being begged to read another): “Savannah, why don’t you read a book to me instead?” // SJ: “Well, that’s very nice of you but I don’t know the words yet.”

Daddy (after waking SJ far earlier than Her Majesty prefers): “Savannah, did you sleep well last night?” // SJ (rolling onto her stomach): “I’m sorry, Daddy, but I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

SJ: “Hey, Mommy, I was thinking maybe we could go to the moon sometime? Molly can come too.”

(a confused and concerned) Mommy: “Savannah, what is Woody doing?” // SJ (smashing Woody into her doll’s face): “He’s jumping on her face because he told her to leave his house and she didn’t listen.”

SJ (observing a windy day): “Look, Mom! The trees are dancing to our music!”

SJ (from the depths of timeout, amid ear-piercing screams): “Mommy, I’m just really having a rough night!”




MJ (after refusing to eat her lunch): “Sert (dessert) now?”

>>> Any guess on who does most of the talking around here?