Have You Ever?

Have You Ever? (also called Never Ever) is a humorously revealing game that generally results in obscene confessions and debilitating hangovers. It involves admitting embarrassing secrets in a room full of equally guilty comrades, and it’s fun. Lots of fun. More importantly, it’s educational. One learns more about their friends from a productive game of Have You Ever? than from any other form of communication. It’s a shame the game is only reserved for weekends. Such entertainment should be sprinkled generously throughout the week, don’t you think? I do.

Have you ever …

… had to reveal to a class full of high school sophomores that SpongeBob is a sponge and not, in fact, a person? (Crushing young people’s reality, it’s what I do.)

… thrown a full-blown tantrum, complete with hideous facial contortions and unmentionable vulgarities, when your husband shrinks every single one of your maternity shirts in the dryer?

… electrocuted your six-month old baby? (This one belongs to Geoff and just for the record, she’s completely unharmed. We think.)

… rejected your poor husband’s kiss in front of the altar on your wedding day? (Unintentionally, of course. I blame vague directions and party bus anticipation.)

… considered that every human interaction taking place in a bar is just a more evolved version of the mating dance? (If you haven’t, you should. Order yourself a drink, find a comfy place to sit, and watch the puffed-up plumage, flashy footwork, and unintelligible squeals do their magic.)

… dropped a gallon of milk in the middle of Wal-Mart, looked around in mortification, and smiled sheepishly as your shoes filled up with 2%?

… burnt Easy Mac? (Ugh. This is almost as sad as confession #1.)

If you’re guilty of any of these, the bad news is that you have to take a drink. The good news is that you’re in fabulous company.