I have spent the last six weeks hovered over a toilet. Pregnancy has not been good to me – it never has been – and these long-anticipated days of summer have been tainted by nausea, discomfort, and a lack of all things alcoholic. Geoff’s working long hours doing construction, Savannah’s teething, and I’m lucky if I make it to noon without vomiting. Sometimes life is good, and sometimes it’s just annoying.
Case #1. The travesty that is our bank account. Five months of Geoff’s student teaching has put a rather irritating dent in the family funds. Manageable, but irritating. Let’s just say I’m getting sick of buying the generic wheat thins and going to the (free) library for entertainment. It’s time for a vacation.
I know I’m complaining, and I know I’m not the only one with things to complain about. My point, I guess, is that we all want what we can’t have, and sometimes the only thing that can alleviate that want is a cleansing rant. Right?
I want more money, a bigger house, a stylish wardrobe, a new car. I want a beer, for crying out loud. A day without tantrums. A day without puking. A day where I have the mental energy and the physical strength to write a semi-decent blog post (because I’m struggling here, folks, I really am). I want all of these things because somewhere in the back of my mind I think that they will make my life better. This is not true, of course, but logic and self-pity have never been the best of friends. So I want.
There is a silver lining in all this – or so I’ve been told. But the thing about a silver lining is that you can’t see it until the storm passes. This is called hindsight and it’s a gift, really, because it gives purpose to things that once seemed purposeless. This nausea really sucks, but I know it’s worth what’s coming in January. Savannah’s teething makes me want to scream, but I know it means she’s one – and she’ll only be one once. This decrepit bank account has seen better days, but I know it’s giving me a sincere appreciation for what we do and will have.